What happens when the room you once commanded no longer recognizes you, and worse, neither do you? Kelli Richards explores one of the most unspoken dynamics in high achievement and what it truly takes to recalibrate.
This article was originally published on the LinkedIn of Kelli Richards and is published with permission
There’s a pattern I’ve observed—both in others and, at moments, in myself—that doesn’t get talked about enough.
It’s not failure in the traditional sense. It’s something more subtle. More disorienting.
It’s what happens when someone who has been exceptional finds themselves no longer operating from that same level of momentum, relevance, or external validation… but is still being perceived through the lens of their past success.
From the outside, they’re still “the one who did X.” On the inside, something has shifted.
And that gap—between past identity and present reality—can quietly become one of the most destabilizing forces that a high achiever will ever face.
High performers are rarely trained for decline, plateaus, or reinvention.
They’re wired for:
So when circumstances change—whether due to market shifts, personal disruption, loss of a role, or simply the end of a significant chapter in one’s career or life —there’s often no internal framework or compass for what comes next.
Instead of recalibrating, many unconsciously default to:
What emerges isn’t arrogance—it’s fragility masked as certainty.
One of the most telling moments is how someone shows up around current power.
Put a formerly high-flying executive or founder in a room with someone who is now operating at a positional level they once held—or aspire to return to—and something can subtly shift:
None of these responses is aligned. They are all forms of self-protection.
And in the worst cases, it can lead to self-sabotage in real time—moments that feel off, miscalibrated, or even embarrassing afterward.
Not because the person lacks capability—but because they’ve become disconnected from their current center of gravity. They’ve lost perspective.
This is where it gets more serious—and more human.
When identity has been deeply fused with achievement, any disruption to that identity can trigger:
And because these individuals are often seen as “the strong ones,” they rarely feel safe admitting it. So it remains underground, only to erupt at inappropriate times.
Last year, I was encouraged to connect with a new colleague who had a fantastic track record and career pedigree – he was unique in his field, highly accomplished in his past work, and frankly had been one of the cool kids at a very cool company. But circumstances had changed for him over the years. He had fallen on hard times and was no longer riding high. Unfortunately the consequences of this were not in evidence in the couple of encounters we had – I was misled.
I got invited to do a presentation to one of my favorite companies; a very high flier in Silicon Valley whose people, leadership, vision and culture I admire enormously. The topic shared with me was a great fit for my new colleague given his background, so we arranged to co-present it together. I was thrilled!
Then reality struck. I was unable to reach my new colleague for a couple of months on repeated attempts so that we could prepare to deliver this talk. The day of the presentation was rapidly approaching and I was getting very nervous. I overrode my intuition, that was getting increasingly louder, to pull the plug. Finally the day before our talk, he responded back to me – assuring me that I was not to worry, but to trust him. He’d prepared a deck that we could co-present together.
The morning of, it was clear something was off with my colleague; perhaps he’d been drinking? I’m not sure I’ll ever know the truth. When we arrived and began our talk, he was quite scattered and dominated the presentation – while I was seated next to him on stage, it was as though I wasn’t there at all. As I looked out on the faces of those present, I saw confusion. I sat there stunned with a knot in my stomach. Of particular concern, was that one of the two most senior execs at the company was not only in the room but would lead the Q&A after our talk.
After we wrapped that up, my colleague approached this exec and pitched him for a job on the spot (!) which of course was unsettling for the exec – I was in a word, horrified. In my attempt to move us beyond that uncomfortable situation, I brought up how enamored I was with the company culture, and somehow the exec got the impression that I was pitching him for a job myself (!). This whole turn of events was humiliating and beyond embarrassing, possibly leaving my own reputation in question with a company and team that matters a lot to me. I’ve not been in touch with this colleague since, and am confident that I won’t be again.
As with this situation, sadly I’ve witnessed this dynamic up close on more than one occasion over the years — brilliant, accomplished individuals navigating moments where their external positioning no longer matches their internal state. I’ve even known of colleagues who took themselves out because they were afraid they’d never hold similar elite positions, and might not get their calls returned.
These are moments where:
And there’s a split-second question of: “Where do I actually stand right now?”
That question—if not met with honesty—can drive all kinds of subtle distortions in behavior that can be humiliating and can derail relationships and careers.
But when it is met with honesty, it becomes something else entirely:
A doorway to fresh possibilities and new opportunities
The most powerful individuals I know don’t anchor themselves in what they’ve done.
They anchor in:
They treat past success as evidence, not identity. And with the right support and self-talk, they can be reminded that the evidence is there that they’ve achieved great accomplishments in times past and should certainly be able to do again.
And more importantly, they are willing to:
This requires something many high achievers resist:
Humility without loss of self-respect.
If you recognize any part of this pattern—in yourself or others—the work isn’t about “getting back” to where you were then.
It’s about something more sophisticated:
Because true power doesn’t come from defending your legacy.
It comes from being fully resourced and solid in yourself in the present moment—regardless of where you’ve been.
There’s no shame in evolving out of a former peak.
The danger is only in pretending you haven’t — but remaining stuck — and unconsciously acting from a version of yourself that no longer exists.
The opportunity?
To become someone even more accomplished and impressive today.
Not the person who once succeeded…
But the person who can continuously reinvent, recalibrate, demonstrate resilience, and re-emerge — without losing themselves in the process.
(ALSO – trust your intuitive guidance when something feels off; never hit override on it! It’s there to serve you and to navigate you away from harmful outcomes!!).
Kelli Richards is a lifelong native Silicon Valley innovator, leader and visionary; a long-time Apple exec mentored by Steve Jobs for decades. She works with some of the most innovative growth stage companies helping them to unlock the full vision of their founders and senior management teams as they continue to scale. providing continued support to c-suite management team leaders and clients on global growth strategy, key partnerships, and content and consumer initiatives. leveraging innovation and emerging technologies as well as new business models to work smarter, more efficiently, and to accelerate success.
Kelli has been called” a force multiplier” who combines more than 25 years of senior level business experience in tech innovation with her talent for bridging industry sectors, and connecting individuals and teams to their work in a way that liberates their untapped potential and accelerates growth. A trusted advisor to founders and innovators, she’s also a thought partner to senior leaders, family offices and creatives. Simply put, when someone has challenging expensive problems they can’t solve on their own, or they need fresh insights and are seeking new direction, possibilities or alternatives, they call Kelli.
