Cultivating Deep Joy with Parul Saini

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I’ve learned just to trust life, and the way it unfolds, and just have that conviction that things will work out. As long as I’m trying to do my best on a daily basis, things will work out for the best.
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Intro
Hello and welcome to Voices of Athena, a podcast highlighting the personal stories of some of the most successful women in business. I am your host, Priscilla Brenenstuhl. Today we are joined by strategy and technology visionary Parul Saini. She is currently Global Head of Business and Enterprise Apps @Uber
Parul, how would you describe yourself?

Parul Saini
I should have prepped better. I would describe myself as a high energy, highly motivated individual that really believes in bringing out the best in people. So what excites me the most is learning about other people and trying to help them achieve their best self, because that is a purpose that I have created for myself in life is to take any situation and sort of turn it into the best it can be for you and others around you. So that’s how I would describe myself. But I also maintain a high bar as, at least for me, I maintain that high bar to achieve my potential on an ongoing basis and set that as an example for others around me.

Priscilla Brenenstuhl
How do you do that?

Parul Saini
I would say leading by example, a lot. So at least for me, as I approach my life challenges naturally occur in everyone’s life. But as I see them come up in my life, I see them as opportunity He’s so changing that narrative around what you’re experiencing and what you want to get out of it. If you turn that into a positive, the outcome tends to be positive as well. So I don’t see any limitations. As I approach my life, I see them as opportunities. So scaling one thing and after another. And I also tried to make it fun in the process. So I don’t want it to be a drag, right? There is always a lot going on, there is always a lot, we’re all juggling. But I set my intention every day to do the best I can, in the most joyful manner that I can. In fact, I was talking to a friend yesterday and she said, You have to upload something with with the deep joy. And I was like, what does that mean? deep joy. And she goes, You have to find that out for yourself. When you approach this, this journey and the next phase in your life, you have to approach it with the joy. So that’s kind of what I tried to remind myself on a daily basis, I set my intention every day in the morning as to what I want my day to be, how do I want to show up in the world?

Priscilla Brenenstuhl
How do you do that? Like, mentally? Do you have a practice around that? Is it Mantra? related? Is it more of like a attentional prayer? Or can you tell me a little bit more about that?
Parul Saini
Yeah, absolutely. I do start my day with meditation. So that’s how I, you know, set my intention because I wanted to make sure I start my day off correctly. So I do meditate every day, and which is when I set my intentions, sometimes it becomes a huge task list that I’m going through in my mind.

Priscilla Brenenstuhl
I know that’s right.

Parul Saini
But oftentimes, but I very well, oftentimes, most of the times, I’m very intentional about having the right goals for the day as an example. And I’m saying goals, but it’s the right intention for the day. Because I learned that over a period of time that, you know, you as an individual can completely influence your environment, you can make it what you want it to be, you can make it extremely positive, you can also make it extremely negative. So I as I learned that I possess the power and everyone does, right, it’s not just me, as I say, Lord, that I possess the power. My intention is always to make sure whatever time people are spending with me, is good use of their time, but they leave every conversation feeling happy, good about themselves, or positive in general.

Priscilla Brenenstuhl
Bold and noble mission. How long has that been your truth? This that I control? My? My, well, at least my reactions, but I control the conditions are my reaction to the conditions around me? How long has that been your truth? I

Parul Saini
have known it for a few decades, I have been able to do it more and more over the last five years. And now I am extremely intentional about modulating that back. But the last 15 years I’ve done it because I do volunteer a lot. You know, that has been the foundation of my life. So last 15 years, I have been practicing it last five years, I would say that the impact has been larger than before.

Priscilla Brenenstuhl
Do you have a guess as to why that might be?

Parul Saini
I’ve developed confidence over the years, believe more in myself. And to believe that I can make a change and a difference.

Priscilla Brenenstuhl
takes practice. I like any skill, which confidence, confidence skill. Yeah, I’m still working through that.

Parul Saini
And I’m very fortunate that I have really good mentors. So mentors that I do. Because you know, and I think one of your questions was around that. So what what are you struggling with, I still struggle with it. If you would see me in any other setting, people usually assume that I’m very confident. But it requires building that up on an ongoing basis as well. That like it’s very fortunate I have really good mentors that kind of set me right when I’m going after that.

Priscilla Brenenstuhl
Oh, it’s so helpful to have positive reinforcement from the community around you. It’s imperative especially I think, I don’t know if it’s culturally that’s women. I don’t want to make sweeping statements but it seems to be the easiest thing is to self deprecate. And and to kind of fall into our own fears. Yeah, yeah. And so having people that can help us navigate through those and that see the best in us when we aren’t able to it’s like paramount.

Parul Saini
Yes, yes. And I the way I describe mentors are folks that I wanted to be there are two very strong women that are just outstanding individuals. And the strength that they bring, every time I see them in action is amazing. So that’s what I aspire to be. So just seeing them in action, and seeing them go through their life on a daily basis and their professional journeys, it’s just a lot of source of encouragement.

Priscilla Brenenstuhl
There’s something else that you said, and I don’t know, it just it’s like a fly in my ear. So I’m going to, yeah, speak it out, and then see what happens that you talked about deep joy? And how do I know what that is? And that resonated for me. Especially as I’m about to be 40, mother of two, I just, I might I had a baby a year and a half ago, my second and he is, I’m in that period where like, I’m rediscovering myself again. Okay, I’m not just mom. And yeah, and I’m definitely realizing like, wow, I haven’t I guess I didn’t know myself. As much as I thought I did. 40 years being with me. And I’m still like, asking myself those questions, what brings you joy? And are they the things that you might have thought of before? And how have they changed and, and, and grown? (insert pause) what brings you joy, what is exciting you these days?

Parul Saini
These days.

There are three aspects of it, as I think about it has been like and I always think in terms of frameworks, just so I think like categories classification framework, so I can establish a repeatable pattern. But that’s where like, my engineering mindset comes into play. There are three aspects that bring me joy, as I, you know, realized over a period of time, one is learning, constantly learning. And that is me challenging myself to learn about anything, it’s not just technically it’s not just about work, but just continuing to grow as an individual and learn and the process that brings me joy. The second aspect is interactions. If I have those interactions with individual being able to do you know, my volunteer work, doing something that I know will go in the world and make a positive impact that makes that brings me joy. And third thing is building long lasting relationship, that the second one in terms of interactions or more temporary interactions. The third one is how do I create the right continue to create the right foundation for life. And that is a long lasting relationship, but I draw a lot of my energy from people. And I like to kind of circulate that, that energy. And the first one is primarily for me, because I am the kind of person who likes to learn a lot and continue to grow myself. So that for me is a sense of accomplishment. And then because I’m a Leo, I, the way I operate is I would commit myself entirely to goal. And then I would take rest. And that is when I would unplug no matter what happens. My time is my time. And that’s where I use the time a lot to self respect, self reflect as

Priscilla Brenenstuhl
it’s and a lot of what you’re saying is so important, I think with your framework aspect is that piece that ties this back together and getting to know yourself. Yeah, and and that really means, you know, what are my patterns? How do I operate along with what brings me joy? And how do I best set myself up for success within those parameters? That’s definitely something I’m exploring even more these days?

Parul Saini
Yeah, I would have to say that my friend got me thinking yesterday because I don’t know what deep joy is. I know deep joy. I’m still trying to understand what is deep joy because I do think it’s something more deeper than or more fundamental than the joy that we might have, you know, on surface when you have a really nice, you have a really nice conversation. I think it’s deeper than it’s more. Let me let me share a concept with you that I usually use that you would like to know about. There is you know, Happiness can be different categories and that’s related to joy. There is a absolute happiness, and there is relative happiness. The happiness aspect is, how do you how happy Do you feel relative to something relative, or situation at work relative to your situation at home relative to your relationships relative to any material benefit, that you might like to get absolute happiness kind of ties into this deep joy, which is your life condition of being in that state of joy, which is not dependent on anything in your environment.

Priscilla Brenenstuhl
Yeah, I like that. Thank you for sharing that with me. for me, it’s like, in meditation, those moments where I kind of all the expectations around joy, and anything and everything kind of fall away, my task list falls away, and I’m just super present and in the moment, and I think for me, that is when I would kind of attach be able to attach myself to absolute joy is like those synchronistic moments that like make me feel like I’m on the right path or that see magic when I can see magic when I can slow down enough and I can really bear witness to, to life as it unfolds are usually times when I feel the most joy and it’s usually about me doing less. Me doing more interesting to think about right now.

Parul Saini
I’m curious what form of meditation Do you practice?

Priscilla Brenenstuhl
Mostly Kundalini. Okay. Yeah. Along. Yeah. So I do a lot of mantra and like posture meditation. So I’ve dabbled in all kinds. Yeah, but it’s mostly the most remarkable experiences for me have come in sustained postures and mantras? Yeah,

Priscilla Brenenstuhl
that’s it. And you?

Sarul Saini 27:27
It’s similar. It’s rhythmic chanting. Well, so that’s a mantra. Yeah. And I’ve practiced the same form for Wow, a few decades now. So it’s become almost second nature. But I understand what you said, when you said, after a certain point, and when you’re meditating, everything just falls away. And it’s, for me, it’s a few hours into the meditation practice that I see that. And that’s when you can really connect the connection that you mentioned, and see the life unfolding. The way I interpret that in my life has connection to the universe. But you can actually see that you’re connected, your life is connected to something else. But yeah, it’s for me, that’s a state that’s hard to achieve limited time to do.

Music Insert: Adam (0- 0:33)

Priscilla Brenenstuhl
this conversation isn’t going where I imagined. But I love it. And one of the things that I’m most excited about, I guess, in terms of the business world, or the leaders of the future, is I do hear more talk about like intuitive leadership, and medium ship kind of these words that that hints on that magic or that that deep understanding that we’re all connected. And, and in, in, in the world of power dynamics. I’m really excited for us, our move into greater inclusive inclusivity and understanding of the way that we are connected. So I love that this has made its its way into our conversation. I love hearing these words in this truth come from you. It’s very affirming to me. It gives me hope about the direction in the future of business and leadership. Have you always been a leader?

Parul Saini
I have. Yes. Well, I did start my journey as an individual contributor. My experience have shaped my approach as a leader. Because oftentimes, I learned what not to do as a leader. And I tried to embrace that and learn from it to be the kind of leader that I would have liked to have But again, I think the fundamental aspect is if you have people around you that believe in you, people can achieve a lot more than they think they’re capable of. So that’s the type of leadership style I try to adopt, and to the point that you’re making everyone is connected, and what you put out at the worlds that have come back to you, and that is very applicable to our professional life. So making sure that’s the kind of environment and culture I like to create, which is making sure you understand you work together as a team. And that’s when you’re most powerful, not as an individual, but working as a team together and helping each other succeed, is the fastest way to success yourself. And that you learn in the process is much more valuable than being successful individually. Which is why some corporations that are very successful, are the way they are the corporations that are changing the norm, not the not the ones that have been successful. In more traditional ways, the the New Age organizations that are changing the norm, there was this, the book, there was a book that really influenced me in the last few years. It’s called Brave new work. And it is about just how the world of work is changing. It is not about a hierarchical organization structure anymore, it is about truly understanding what you want an individual to do, and how do they interface with another human being to then deliver what the organization needs, as opposed to the traditional structures that have existed for many, many centuries at this point where there was a reason for those structures to exist in that day and age, which is not relevant anymore. So I like to learn more about that.

Priscilla Brenenstuhl
Me too and you’ve, like alluded to it already. But it’s interesting. So I’m going to ask it in this exact frame, because it was a question I was going to ask what does it mean to be successful? How do you define it?

Parul Saini
That is a very deep question. I think it goes back to the point around deep joy, it’s very, it depends on what situation you find yourself in. I think successful organization is very easy to project, which is, are you making enough revenue, because the purpose of an organization is to provide value to their customers and also survive in the process, you can’t provide value and not survive over a long period of time, because then you’re doing disservice to the people that are working in the organization. So the purpose of an organization is to succeed and provide value, but at the same time, and that’s that’s what defines their success metric. So that’s very clearly defined. As an individual working in that environment, your success is more specific to what you are. But as a leader, the way I define success is have we been able to bring the right outcomes along, which is definitely an execution and delivery of day to day work. But at the same time, was it helpful to drive the organization forward, however, in the process have been brought the people along in that journey with us. If the outcome is successful execution, change management as the way I describe bringing people along, making sure that they’re the way that change is impacting their lives is taken into account. And it’s the least disruptive in the process. And in that journey, everyone has learned something, and they feel that they are a little bit better than when they started. That’s how I define success. But I am describing success in the context of work. And I think that’s where your question is. So for me successful outcome is everyone getting something out of the change that we’re doing, people get to learn people get to grow? The business is a little bit better than when we started. But at the same time, there is no we’re not. You know how sometimes we make changes, and then we kind of RAM those changes into people going, this is how it’s going to, and then just make your peace with it. Those are very disruptive changes. And in the long term, they don’t really work out. So that’s kind of for me, success is the successful outcome for people and business together.

Priscilla Brenenstuhl
How do you define success in your personal life? Hmm.

Parul Saini
I think I’m still trying to figure that out. To be honest. I don’t know how I would define that right now because it’s very easy to take definitions that exist in terms of more money, more responsibility, bigger titles. But I am still trying to understand what that means for me. To be honest, yeah, I don’t have the definitely the metric that I’m using right now is, again, am I leaving the place that I’m at a little bit better than when I started. But that’s a very qualitative metric. It’s not any, any manner.

Priscilla Brenenstuhl
That I like it. And it’s actually been a mini mantra of mine lately, and even just routine tasks. I’m like, Okay, I’m gonna leave this room a little better than when I found it. And in even sometimes for me, that means like, beautifying the space, wiping down the counter, you know. So that I can come back in and like, and again, that’s, I mean, that’s my own idea of better, right, I guess, my son would say, Mom, things don’t need to be like, perfect all the time. And I’m not striving for perfection, but, but just like self care, and awareness, and even putting attention to like wiping down the counter, as an act of self love and reframing kind of these small steps that I can do throughout the day. So those words and I leaving things better than I left them have resonated for me even on a really, really small scale lately. And it’s been, it’s been somewhat profound, I’ll say,

Parul Saini
yeah, the only thing that I thought of as we were discussing this was, and it’s not how I define success, but it’s something that I keep in mind. Because I have these strong mentors that are my role models. I recognize that it’s a responsibility I carry as well. So the other thing that I am intentional about is am I be the right role model for someone else? Am I being that source of inspiration for someone else? As I go through my professional journey, am I setting the right examples as well? So that’s not a definition. And that’s how I would define success. But that is something that is important that I am intentional about as well.

Priscilla Brenenstuhl
I think setting intentions and then being able to follow through with them, or it may not be the definition of success. I I think it’s got to be in there somewhere. Yeah. But we are there somewhere.

Music Insert
Priscilla Brenenstuhl
What is your first job?

Priscilla Brenenstuhl
I started my career at a call center, I was doing support for HP printer and computer support. That’s how I started. Amazing. It was an interesting experience for sure.

Priscilla Brenenstuhl
I can imagine at a call center, I feel like that would be particularly challenging for me in some ways.
Parul Saini
And I had the worst shift. I started at 230 at night, and then I went up 1130 In the morning, and that was my life for about eight months before I decided I need to do something better with my life and I decided to pursue something else. But I stayed in it even after that I joined a company doing service desk for them. For a while before I decided I need to do something better with my bike.

Priscilla Brenenstuhl
Again, keep upgrading, that’s the goal is reevaluating, assessing and upgrading making then the natural shift someone needs to make. Yeah, that’s a whole thing of, you know. Something that is a challenge is often an opportunity, you know, like, Okay, this has to get bad enough for me to actually like put myself out there and do something else. So thank you challenge. I see you.

Priscilla Brenenstuhl
What song are you singing at karaoke?

Parul Saini
I like the song by Lady Gaga shallow. There’s just so many different emotions in that song, and so many things that they’re challenging in the lyrics. So that resonates really, really well with me. I love the movie as well.

Priscilla Brenenstuhl
Yeah, I love it, too. So would you get up and sing

Parul Saini
this song or in general?

Priscilla Brenenstuhl
Yeah. Like, are you a singer? Have you done karaoke before,

Parul Saini
I have actually never done karaoke, you will be surprised. But I do sing. Whenever I have an opportunity. My husband tells me I’m a really, really good singer. I’m still to validate that. But I don’t sing as much now as I would like to I do love to sing. But I don’t do that as much as I would like to just because you know, amount of practice. Although on his recommendation, I am going to start taking vocal singing lessons soon.

Priscilla Brenenstuhl
On your husband’s recommendation. Hey,

Parul Saini
yeah, and then the learning learning piece sort of that plays in my life. He’s such a good partner for me, because he’s always trying to push me out of my boundaries, not vocal singing lessons is not something I would have ever thought of. And he goes, you have a really, really good voice, I want you to do this. I’m like, Okay, if it’s a good idea, I will try it, see what happens. So I do things like that. And that taking actions like this outside of norm also been bring me joy, because I’m doing something I haven’t done before. And I find it interesting, exciting.

Priscilla Brenenstuhl
Yeah, and when you do something that you haven’t done before, you often are like, confronted with a different version of yourself than you’ve seen before. And it’s like, this is interesting.

Parul Saini
Exactly. And I’m not the most. Now I’m not the most creative person. I used to be very creative when I was young. But you know, as I’ve progressed, in my career, as an engineer, I’ve become more analytical and quantitative. So I’m not that yellow or creative anymore. So I find myself going to things that require creativity, and I’m pretty boxed in at the time, it takes me a while to then, you know, break through those barriers, and then find my real self and then connect with that part, which is a good challenge. I like to balance that because day to day working very mundane. It’s the same thing over and over and over again, at about, you know, quantitative data at about decision making. But how do I find that softer side and how do I tap into it on a continuous basis? These these things helped me with that.

Priscilla Brenenstuhl
Yeah, and I love that you have a partner who kind of sees that because it sounds like vocal lessons will help tap into that creativity and, and bring that balance and it’s so awesome to have partners who cheerlead for us

Priscilla Brenenstuhl
what is your biggest fear?

Parul Saini
Failure is my biggest fear. But you can also define failure in many different ways. It could be failure at relationships, it could be failure in professional life. You Yeah, I would say failure is my biggest fear, which is what drives me so that I’m constantly learning constantly trying to make myself better. So that I don’t find myself in that situation. Now, the transition that I’ve made over a period of time as that a challenge, or an unsuccessful outcome is not exactly a failure. And that is the separation I’ve made in my mind, which is why now, when I look at an unsuccessful outcome in my life, I see it as a challenge and something that I would need to just either step away from or a step sideways, or try something else to get what I need to get. And, you know, oftentimes, our successful outcomes are also not valid, because that is what I think is a successful outcome for me, but I have limited knowledge in whether that really is successful our company or not. So and I’m speaking in hypotheticals, but I really like to just, I’ve learned just to trust life, and the way it unfolds, and just have that conviction that things will work out. As long as I’m trying to do my best on a daily basis, things will work out for the best. But yes, failure is still something I’m trying to avoid.

Priscilla Brenenstuhl
Which is interesting, right? So I’m hearing you say you’re afraid of failing, and then I’m also hearing you, but I’m also wondering, like, what would failure even look like to this woman? Yes, this woman who’s so trust life? And I mean, and maybe I’m not even necessarily I mean, maybe you have a response, but it’s more just I love the dichotomy of the self, I think, because both of those things can be true at the same time.

Parul Saini
Exactly. And I think we all live in contradictions, right, because we make this view or the mental model of success and failure based on what society is telling us. And it’s very difficult to disassociate yourself from that definition, if you’re living in a certain environment, nothing wrong with the environment, I’m just saying that it’s this is where the concept of relative and absolute comes into play. So I’m still that’s the contradiction that I’m living, I’m still living in this, this world where success and failure is defined a certain way. While in my thought process, I have redefined it. But then I have to constantly redefine it for me, which is my driving force. So I really appreciate having fears. Because fears drive you to to be, you know, more successful. Not that that’s the end goal. But you know, fears are actually very interesting to have. What is your fear? Priscilla?

Priscilla Brenenstuhl
It’s very interesting. You asked me that, because no one on this podcast has asked me and because I was doing a walking meditation today. And I was, I was asking myself that because I was revisiting all of the answers and how I could relate to all of the answers and how I could also relate to none of them in some way. And it’s almost like just what you said. It’s that dichotomy. And so maybe it is that on a spiritual level, maybe it is that I would forget that at some point. I don’t know how I could it’s I don’t know if it’s a red pill or blue pill but you know, when you take one and then you can never forget it or you can’t unsee what you’ve known so I don’t know what it would take for me to fall out of alignment with that. But you know, I haven’t always live with such unwavering faith or understanding that that that what’s possible is even greater than I can imagine. And that has been so that’s given me so much passion in my life, and and I would hate to lose that

Parul Saini
is losing your passion, your fear?

Priscilla Brenenstuhl
I think it’s more losing my faith. Interesting, and which faith is a changing and eclectic and kind of shape shifting. But it’s, you know, diving into, I’ve had many life transformations, you know, I have all the fears that like losing my children would be I mean, yeah, right. So there’s all you know, there’s like this. I feel like standard mother stuff and human stuff. But I feel like this, this, the times when I tap into like that absolute joy or the absolute knowingness that I’m connected, and the ability to tap into that and really feel that and lean into it, particularly when faced with my challenges and and when, like, diving headfirst into my feers. Yeah, I wouldn’t want to lose that, that faith.

Parul Saini
Hmm, that is a deep, but it’s very deep.

Priscilla Brenenstuhl
Yeah. Thank you for asking and allowing me to kind of explore that, because I hadn’t reached that answer on my walk. And so yeah, thank you. That’s a gift. And now I’m like, I don’t I lost my I lost track.

What are we doing?

Parul Saini
That’s okay. Let me tell you some stories. Because I think that was your question as well. The defining moment in my life. So I grew up in India, and I grew up in the capital of India, which is Delhi. And growing up there was very interesting. So I appreciated the culture and the warmth of the culture. And then just connectedness withll the time. On the on the same sort of aspect of things, I felt that it was very limiting for women, particularly. Because as we were raised, it wasn’t very well accepted more on to have opinions for women or kind of be very independent, which I thought was always odd. So I lived in that contradiction where, you know, while the culture is very rich, and it’s so much to learn from and so much respect for life and for people. But at the same time, there was this unsaid rule around this is how you have to well, it was not unsatisfying, because a very well said rule around you have to behave a certain way. So growing up in that environment,
helped me come up with these sort of the frameworks that I keep referring to one particular instance, when I was 13 years old, I was going to one of my coaching classes in the evening after school and I was riding a bike, and one of my robes got stuck in my bike and I was stranded in the middle of there wasn’t anyone around at the time, it was just a very empty weekend blot. And I was I stood there, I couldn’t untangle myself and five minutes went by I saw some men standing at a distance. And then after five minutes of them watching me tried to do my thing. And I just after that I just stood and like, I don’t know what to do. One of them approached me and that he helped me untangle my Rogue, and it’s like, Oh, that’s very nice of him. I was a very shy person, I didn’t really express my thoughts the way I would like them to. So I was about to thank him, I was building up the courage to say something to him. And he looked me dead in the eye and pointed at me, and he said, You know what? You’re dumb because you’re a woman. And that was, I felt such an uncalled for a statement at the time, I was a 13 year old, very impressionable, young girl. And it was very interesting for me to see where a judgement was passed based on gender. And then, you know, then I could see all these things transpiring in my environment, which I was quite blind to before, but after that statement was said, so openly to my face, I started seeing all the signs. And you know, in the process, I stayed true to myself as I was growing up in India, because I have taken that approach of whatever life throws life throws my way. I will take it and I will run with it. Right. Let’s see how far I can take this. So my going back to my story after, you know, when I was working at the service desk, I decided I needed to do better for myself. So I joined a multinational company at the time, which was Adobe. And it was a Probably the best career decision I could have made because then working with people in the US, I realized a different level of commitment to work, the work ethic was different, the appreciation for hard work was different, and they didn’t think about gender. It’s an unspoken sort of glass ceiling that still exist. But as at least as an Icee, I thought I was not evaluated based on the gender but on the work and the value that I bring. So I was very fortunate to then have Adobe transferred me over to us that really opened up my life. And it, you know, the change was very drastic for me. Because I went from an environment where I was told in India that I have too many opinions, and I should sometimes keep them to myself, to coming to us, but people really wanted to hear what I had to say, because I was always very quiet in meetings, I was still trying to find my footing in a in a new country, people would encourage me to voice my opinions, share my thoughts. And that was a very interesting transition for me, and that helped me grow into the person that I’ve become. But again, like, you know, the challenge has helped shape who you are. So that that was one of the biggest transformational moments for me, moving to us and then being in an environment that nurtures you was an interesting change.

Priscilla Brenenstuhl
I love hearing that story. Thank you, especially because, you know, a lot of times the story is the opposite. Especially being an American, you know, I’m always focused on the work that still needs to be done and the people who are still silenced and and it is good to, to reflect. And I have in my travels, seen kind of liberties that I have had. And I too grew up very outspoken and headstrong and I wouldn’t say that it was met with the most enthusiasm but I probably fared much better being an American and some other places and and some of the I don’t know Taming of the Shrew, I don’t know why that but some of the some of that I look to now was teaching me a bit of about grace and humility. So even that I am I am grateful for
Priscilla Brenenstuhl
Do you have an unpopular opinion that you are willing to share?
Parul Saini
That didn’t require some time for me to think about unpopular opinion
I don’t have an unpopular opinion at this point. I would say this though, one thing that I’m practicing for myself now more more consciously, whether it’s an unpopular opinion or not, I’m not sure. But choosing myself first is something that I’m proactively trying to do you know, I heard this I heard this kind of statement somewhere when two people in a relationship were talking to each other one of them was trying to break up with another person. And she said when this individual asked do you not love me anymore and she said, I do love you, but I love me more. And I keep going back to the point where if I find myself in a situation where I have to choose that when what I stand for what I believe in versus what I may have to do to be in that situation. I consciously try to choose myself. It could be an unpopular opinion, but I remind myself it you know, and I say that very openly now as well. Like I love this environment, the situation, but I love me more. So I will do what is the right thing for me to do in this?

Priscilla Brenenstuhl 59:48
I would definitely say it’s still an unpopular opinion. I would definitely still say that I was not raised to
like self present. rear ends. And we don’t want to say self preserve rear end self self celebration,

Parul Saini
self celebration as what, how I would describe it right? Because this is where you are really acknowledging that you feel that you deserve better and you deserve more. And you will take steps to get that you deserve deep joy. And you will find out how you can get that deep joy and you will then do those actions that bring you joy. And it’s an active of Act, as opposed to an act of self sacrifice. But you know, it’s a huge reason why I mentioned that as if something when you’re asking me about unpopular opinion is because the way we were raised like at least the Indian culture is all about sacrifice. Yeah. And for, for me to then learn to prioritize myself first is if the transition requires a learning. Absolutely.

Priscilla Brenenstuhl
It requires a relearning of everything that I know because I’ve up until up until that understanding, I’m outsourcing everything. What is joy look like? Well, I’m looking around, what does it look like out there? You know, fears, all of it. I’m kind of outsourcing it all. And then and then and that came for me a lot in my my Doula work, the birth work that I’ve done really caring. For other women, sometimes it would rub off.
Um, but in my act of caring for others, every once in a while on my tired weary whatever, I’d find myself encouraging myself with the same words that I was encouraging them like it’s okay, one breath at a time. You’ve got this. And I remember, the first time I caught myself doing that I wept. I went to the bathroom. And I wept because I realized I’d never been loving I’d never, you know, I was in my 20s. And I’ve never I maybe early 30s. I don’t know. But I never spoke lovingly to myself in that way, or showed such gentleness or compassion for myself. And so I do think, if it’s not an unpopular opinion, it’s an unpopular act, something that we’re just kind of on the precipice of and I think that that’s pretty fantastic and exciting. And I’m so grateful you you brought that up, we’re able to dig that up on the fly. Parul, is there anything else that you that you would like to say? I don’t know if there’s anything that hasn’t been said. But

Parul Saini
I think for all, all women, I do want to say that, definitely continue to believe in yourself, right? Because it’s very easy to get into that self doubt when your environment or your situation. I would say don’t do that, continue to believe in yourself, make the choices that are right for you. But at the same time, bring other people along, it’s important for you to extend that love and that self love to people around you because you never know what situation they might be in, they might look very happy or successful on surface. But the people always need compassion and love. So just be mindful of that. And the kind of change you can create for others as well, by being yourself

Priscilla Brenenstuhl
and how helpful it is to love ourselves when we can see the impact. Our love has on others. Right? Correct.

Parul Saini
I think one thing there’s so much I absolutely. I enjoyed this conversation a lot. Priscilla. I do think one thing that the world needs most right now is love and compassion in the way in the way things are unfolding on a daily basis. I do feel that we all can use a little bit more compassion.

Priscilla Brenenstuhl
Yeah, me too. And self compassion is is in there. Yes. That’s a good yeah. All right. Parul, I’m
Deeply grateful for you sharing your time, Your thoughts and your experience with me? I am leaving this conversation richer. Just as you intended you want to leave people better and situations better than when you found on them well i suffice it to say I can attest that I am leaving this conversation better than when I began.

Parul Saini
So appreciate you saying that.
Music
Priscilla Brenenstuhl
Thank you for listening in and sharing your time with us. I invite you to get curious about what deep joy looks and feels like for you. Is there room for joy on your list of priorities and can you carve out space and time to pursue it? I’m gonna give it a shot. Until next time…

Your story matters.